Yay! Excitement, joy, all that good stuff. I love this show. I love it so much that I kind of wish it was one of those shows that I'd discovered after the episodes had already come out so that I could watch them all at once. But then it would be that much closer to being cancelled, yes? This show better not be cancelled. At least it's not on FOX this time...
It's the plane! The plane needs a name.
The plane (which needs a name) is flying through the clouds. A voice is asking for conformation of their flight path, and then the voice asks Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) if everything is okay. He says it's all good and it's gonna be blue skies from here on - at which point a giant hole gets blown in the side of the plane and a man is sucked out and flies away screaming (in a manly fashion). Inside the plane, alarms are blaring, Coulson is being sucked towards the hole and dangling on the edge of a rope and someone yells to him to hold on. Because there's no way he would have done that if you hadn't told him to. Title... okay, yeah, they're not even close to credits and there's no musical sting. Let's call it LOGO TIME. Or just... the logo... anyway, the logo flashes.
Miraculously, the plane is back on the ground and everything is a-okay. Skye (Chloe Bennet), wearing the same clothes she wore at the end of the last episode (yay, continuity!) is tossing stuff out of her van. We assume this is the stuff she's taking with her on the plane (which needs a name). It's also 19 Hours Earlier, which handy words at the bottom of the screen tell us. Man, I love those handy words. Was anyone not expecting a 'such-and-such earlier' stint? Because if you were seriously surprised by that then obviously you don't watch enough television. It's one of the oldest tricks in the book. Start in the middle of the crisis (or towards the end of the crisis) hook people in (by their cheeks, like fish) and then rewind so that you have the rest of the forty minutes to explain things. It's done well if you can tell that the writers knew what was happening the whole time. Not so well if the whole rest of the plot feels like it was thought up on the spot to explain the exciting beginning.
Okay, got distracted. Back to Skye. Her outfit is awesome, and I want it for me. Did I say that at the end of last episode? She grabs boxes, looks wistfully at her van and then tells some guy not to joyride in it because it's her house. He says not to worry and puts a... magical glowing green pyramid on top of the bonnet. The van starts by itself. Skye is like 'huh' and then she goes inside the plane (which needs a name. Getting bored of me doing this yet? Good. Go petition Joss Whedon to name the plane already). Upstairs, Ward (Brett Dalton), May (Ming-Na Wen) and Coulson are talking about how Skye isn't a SHIELD agent. She's been invited on as a consultant. Two of the people here are not excited about this. Guess which two? (It's Ward and May.) They think Skye is a risk (quite probably) and that she's not trained (no, no she's not). Coulson is impressed with her technical skills, which are fairly impressive. I think. I don't know a lot about computers, but he's impressed that she hacked SHIELD from a laptop. Isn't that... how most hackers hack things? With computers? Uh... anyway. The argument continues. Ward's frown is not impressed. His frown has its own personality.
I'm just standing here, listening to all of this with my perfect, perfect, shiny hair.
In the hangar, Fitzsimmons are there to greet Skye. Well... mostly Simmons (Elizabeth Henstridge). Fitz (Iain De Caestecker) has a crush on her, which is silly, but Simmons is just friendly. Okay, I want them to be best friends. Can someone get on that please? Thanks. There aren't enough female best friends in TV shows outside of the comedy genre - and all the men get this 'buddy' thing going on, so I want these two to be best friends. Do it. Do it now. They chat about how Skye must be excited (sort of) and I get distracted by the way Simmons' ponytail keeps moving without her moving her head. It's magical. Teleporting hair. Upstairs, the argument is still going on. Ward and May think it's silly to add another person to the team who isn't combat-ready. Coulson is unimpressed with all of their unoriginal arguments and steamrollers over them with his superior team-leaderness. But he does it very nicely. He also says that an 0-8-4 means that they don't know what it is. I love SHIELD and their exciting codes for everything. What's the code for 'lunch break'?
Fitz is talking about the plane (which needs a name). Officially it's an airbourne mobile command station, but they call it 'the bus'. Okay, that is not a name. It's just replacing the name of one vehicle with the name of another vehicle. Since I refuse to start calling it 'the bus which needs a name', I'm just going to ignore that piece of information. Skye is still a little bit bitter about the time they put a bag over her head and dragged her into interrogation. Yeah. Simmons apologises, and then May broadcasts that they're about to leave. Skye gets a bunk. Her bunk is cosy and adorable and I love it. I want a bunk like that in a plane, and I don't even like planes. Ward shows up, but he's not friendly. He delivers a safety pamphlet and heads off. Coulson shows up too, and tells Skye about how an Asgardian stabbed him with a Something Sceptre. I can pronounce that word, but I don't really want to try and spell it (because I pride myself on excellent spelling and it would just be embarrassing) so let's move on. They mention Tahiti (again) and Coulson says "It's a magical place," with exactly the same cadence and tone that he used last time. Okay, theories. He's a robot replacement, they've programmed him to say that every time someone asks about Tahiti. He's a clone who never went to Tahiti, they've brainwashed him with certain phrases and memories. He was captured by the enemy, they brainwashed him with certain phrases and memories. He actually died and God brainwashed him with certain phrases and memories. No disrespect was meant to God. Don't take offence if you're religious. (I'm not, but I'm not intolerant either.) Even Skye notices that Coulson has said that before. Anyway, they sit down and buckle up and Coulson says that they are going to Peru to investigate this 0-8-4, which is an object of unknown origin. They're going to see what it is and if it's safe. The last one was a hammer. You'll only get that if you've seen Thor (which I have) so I'll explain. It's from Thor. The hammer was Thor's hammer. Everyone got that? Good.
No, I... I didn't get that.
They fly over Peru, which looks awesome, and land on a runway in a cloud of dust. The plane (which needs a name) has teeny tiny titchy little wheels. Then they drive through Peru in their massive obnoxious black SUV which has 'SHIELD' imblazoned on the side (totally incognito, though). Fitz is excited because Peru has 32 different species of monkeys. Simmons is excited because Peru has close to 200 species of snakes. Fitz is scared of snakes. Oh. I'm struggling not to lose all respect for him. (When I travel to other countries and tell people I'm from Australia, they're always like "but what about all the snakes?!" It's really hard to explain that snakes are very hard to find and equally hard to get bitten by, unless you're careless, stupid, or have incredibly bad luck. In my entire life I've seen a grand total of five snakes in the wild. One was road-kill, one was living in my roof and one was a baby who ran away from me as fast as serpently possible. The other two were... probably pretty dangerous, actually. But I'm still alive!) Anyway, Simmons notices his fear and tells him that earthquakes, gnats and dengue fever are much more dangerous. Fitz gets bitten by a gnat, but is distracted from his imminent death by the amazing temple which suddenly looms before them.
Skye is telling Coulson that they might need to warn the local people, since they're already dealing with mining rebels. Coulson explains that her job is actually to cover things like this up - basically the opposite of what she believes in. Skye is not impressed.
Fitzsimmons selfie!
A professor dude comes out of the temple. He provides exposition. The temple dates back at least 500 years, and is full of pre-Incan artifacts. One of them is weird and potentially dangerous. They go inside the temple, where the 0-8-4 looks weird, vaguely metallic, and has blue glowy bits. Of course it does. Coulson suggests that the professor and his team evacuate while Fitz and Simmons release two of their little flying robots. I love the little flying robots. Sleepy, who we haven't met before (last time the robots we saw were Bashful and Snow, in case you were wondering) starts scanning the object. Skye says that she can't find any information about it on Google (okay, she didn't actually say Google, but we assume that's what she meant) and goes to touch it. Fitz warns her off. I would suck at that job, because I love touching things. Like in museums, with all the 'Do Not Touch' signs... totally drives me crazy. Simmons says that the object has been here for at least 1,500 years, and it might be alien. Fitz says it looks sort of German.
Outside, May and Ward are guarding the place. Ward wonders why May doesn't have a gun, but she says she doesn't need one. Ward calls her 'the cavalry' and she glares at him and tells him never to call her that. I don't get it. Ward talks about how he's heard of some of her missions and she was amazing. Then he starts blabbering a bit, and I'm just starting to wonder why when he reaches into the bushes beside him and pulls out a heavily armed soldier. Oh. That was why. May tackles another soldier and steals his gun. Another soldier rushes her, but she steals his gun too. She points both guns at the soldiers at the same time. That would be cool if I didn't know it's impossible to accurately shoot two guns at the same time. I suppose at point blank range, though, it's not really a problem. The soldier Ward was fighting is on the ground, cars start driving towards them, and a split second later the soldier is up and with Ward's arm around his neck. Either that was a continuity error or Ward can move at the speed of light. A bunch of other soldiers appear and Ward and May are pretty significantly outnumbered at this point.
A random woman in sunglasses and camouflage clothes emerges from one of the army trucks and looks around. She's making that face people make when they can't really see through their sunglasses but they're wearing them anyway. Inside the temple, Coulson's walkie buzzes (I thought they had some kind of high-tech DNA talking device or something? Um) and Ward tells him to come out. He tells Fitzsimmons to keep working and heads outside, where he tells the soldiers good afternoon, he's Agent Coulson and he works for international security. He says all this in Spanish, which I don't speak fluently but understand quite well because my family is Italian and they're almost the same language.
I'm finding it hard to see through my sunglasses, but I think I know that guy!
Sunglasses woman marches up and recognises Coulson. She calls him Philip. Her name is Camilla, and she seems to be in charge. She will tell her men to lower their weapons if Coulson goes first, so Coulson signals to Ward and May. They put their guns down, and so do the soldiers. Camilla goes to kiss Coulson on the cheek, and he introduces her to his team. Then he sends Ward and May to check on the others and chats with Camilla some more. She's been promoted since he knew her, and she's with the national police. They think that the 0-8-4 is theirs, because it's on Peruvian soil. Coulson says that SHIELD gets it because... he says so. That was basically how it played out. Then they flirted.
Inside the temple, Fitz says that the 0-8-4 is alive. Not as in... alive, just it has a functioning power source. He and Simmons wonder about it and Skye is kinda frustrated because she's sort of the third wheel. She's about to leave when Ward comes in, and tells them that the national police are there. He thinks they're here to protect the object from all the rebels and uprisings. Skye says that it's pretty kick-ass, and Ward glares at her for thinking violence is cool. She tries to explain but he doesn't give her a chance and then tells everyone to do their work fast, because they never know what will happen. He also points out that Skye doesn't have a job. Shut up, Ward.
Camilla and Coulson are chatting. Camilla gives him chocolate. They talk about his last mission in Peru, in which he worked with her. They want to find a way to resolve this, but then stuff blows up and rebels start shooting at them. Back in the temple, Ward says that they have to leave immediately as there is more gunfire outside. Fitzsimmons starts packing up, Skye tries to help and is rebuffed. Awkward moment is seriously awkward. Luckily there isn't time to dwell on it for long, because Ward does his macho macho thing and rips the 0-8-4 out of the wall while everyone (okay, just Fitz) yells 'whoa'. Fitz tries to explain why the 0-8-4 is dangerous and could explode at any moment (at least I think that's what he was driving at) but he uses big words so Ward doesn't understand. A firefight ensues. You don't need me to describe that, right? Coulson and Camilla work as a good team, Ward protects Fitzsimmons and Skye. He grabs a random rod from his jacket. It extends. Coulson tells Camilla to tell her men to get down - chain of orders here - and she yells the order in Spanish. Couldn't the rebels just... hear that? No? Okay then. Ward somersaults down the stairs and plunges the rod into the ground. The top of it starts floating.
I am just so cool.
Ward looks pleased with himself and the floating bit of the rod releases a magical (okay not magical) blue (of course it's blue) concussive wave thing which catches everyone still standing at chest height and hurls them backwards. So... it would just sail harmlessly over my head, then? This is why all spies should be as short as me. Ward tosses the rod away, so it's probably one use only. Fitzsimmons and Skye all cluster out of the cave, see a guy about to shoot at them and freeze instead of dodging. Luckily May pulls up in the giant obnoxious SUV and the bullets ding off it. Everyone hops in. Coulson and Camilla get in her truck and they follow as May drives off. They head towards the runway. The SUV bounces over potholes and Fitz insists that they need to drive slower to protect the 0-8-4. Not going to happen. He says it could overheat, so Simmons suggests rolling down a window. Bullets are still flying everywhere. Windows will not be opened. Skye is being logical and sensible (I'm sorry, is my favouritism showing?) but Ward yells at everyone to shut up. Also fairly sensible and logical - just kinda rude.
They finally reach the plane (which needs a name) and after another brief firefight everyone gets on board - including Camilla and a handful of her men - and they take off. Finally, everyone has a chance to ask Fitz what he was worried about. He explains that the 0-8-4 is full of gamma radiation. It's like nuclear, only worse. Everyone backs away.
As the plane (which needs a name) soars through the sky, Coulson contacts someone through radio in the cockpit. She (I dunno who, but they're female) says they're clear for travel through restricted airspace. Coulson hangs up (or disconnects, whatever) and tells May they need to go at top speed. She knows. He apologises for landing her in the middle of a shoot out, since he promised last episode that she wouldn't have to see combat. She ignores him, so eventually he gets the hint and leaves.
In the lab sort of area, everyone is arguing. No, seriously. Everyone is arguing. Coulson arrives, says hi to the soldiers and they say thanks for saving us. Well. Sort of. He suggests they head upstairs, because upstairs is awesome. Camilla expects a grand tour, which I assume she will get a little later because Coulson has to deal with his yelling team. On a side note, the lab is really spectacularly soundproof. He asks if there's a problem (in a sarcastic, annoyed way).
Yeah. I have a problem.
Skye's suddenly realised that the team is pretty useless and asks if it's their first mission. Pfft. No. Of course not! It's their second mission. She was their first mission, which she thinks is sweet. Also noticeable that when she says it, she doesn't actually use the word mission. She just says she was their first. I see what you did there, euphemism-making people. Skye says that it's silly that none of them like each other and she may as well be team leader. No one seems to want her to be team leader. I do! No one agrees with me. More arguments spring into being - Ward is annoyed because he could have taken out the rebels on his own if he hadn't been babysitting agents who weren't combat-ready. Fitzsimmons are annoyed because they designed Ward's equiptment and he's not recognising their genius. Coulson tells them all to figure it out, lists things that Ward, Simmons and Fitz are good at and leaves Skye feeling kinda left out again. Oops.
May is still flying the plane (which needs a name). Skye is in her bunk, playing with the hula bobble doll she tool from her van. She looks deep in thought. Camilla's soldiers are generally lounging around in the main area while Coulson gives Camilla her tour. Downstairs, Fitzsimmons are working on the 0-8-4. They seriously work so well together, I want to know what their relationship is. Obviously not romantic (or sexually charged) or they wouldn't be so comfortable around each other. Are they cousins or something? Have they been working together since they were like ten? Seriously. I want to know. Anyway, Fitz says that the 0-8-4 is an incredibly powerful weapon. He's kinda worried about what it could do to the plane. Their holographic stuff is awesome.
Ward is reading a book. He doesn't seem like a book guy to me. Skye, who shows up with a bottle of booze, is also surprised. The book is Matterhorn (I think I heard that right) and Ward got it from his SO. He has to explain to Skye (and presumably the audience) that SO is Supervising Officer. I've never heard of an SO. Heard of a CO. Shouldn't that be Supervising Agent? Anyway. Skye wants them to be friends, and offers him a drink. She also seizes the chance to explain her comments earlier. She doesn't think the uprising in Peru is a good thing, but she likes the effect its had on the Twitterverse. She thinks its amazing how thousands of suffering people who have never met are uniting over a common cause. She also mentions the Rising Tide, but she's scared of Ward's hate-face. Me too. She provides us with what could potentially be the team motto, which is that one person might not have 100% of the solution, but if a hundred people have 1% of the solution, it still works. Ward doesn't really agree. Oh, and he got shot protecting them.
Yeah, I probably should have mentioned that.
Ward reminds us again that he doesn't like being in a team by saying he was trained to be the whole solution. He's finding it frustrating that complications keep arising, and he looked pointedly at the soldiers to make his point. The plane (which needs a name) starts turning, so Ward explains that they are in restricted airspace, and they have to follow a certain flight path.
I think we're in Coulson's office - it's upstairs, anyway, and he and Camilla are there having a chat. Camilla decides to do some weird flirting, which is weird and kind of irritating. Coulson isn't falling for it, in fact he's kind of confused because it's out of character for Camilla. Downstairs, Ward is looking at the soldiers again when he notices that their glasses of alcohol are still completely full. The soldiers give each other a sinister nod and Ward gets the bottle from Skye. Probably to use as a weapon. He tells her that the soldiers aren't drinking. Downstairs, a dark shadow looms in front of the lab, where Simmons and Fitz are working. Wasn't that descriptive of me? In Coulson's office again, he's still not falling for Camilla's offer of sex. He also says that he knows she's going to try and get to May and Ward will figure it out. The soldiers rush Ward, but he smashes a bottle on them. Another soldier drills a hole in the cockpit door and knocks May out with gas. Uh oh.
The fight continues, but then Coulson and Camilla run downstairs to Ward and the battling soldiers and they see another soldier on the screen. He's in the lab and he has a... scalpel? to Fitz's throat. Simmons is standing behind him. I suggest that she grabs something heavy and knocks him out, but she doesn't. Fail. Unfortunately, surrender is imminent, but not before Coulson gives Camilla a guilt trip about them being former allies. She's not a fan of his team.
Some time has passed (okay, not a lot, but some) and a soldier is flying the plane (which needs a name). Another soldier is beating Coulson up. He provides exposition in the form of brazen banter. The only reason he's still alive is because they need him to get the changes to the plane's route when HQ radios in very shortly. If he doesn't, SHIELD will assume something is very wrong and blow up the plane (which needs a name) and that will suck for everyone. Also Camilla wants the 0-8-4. She's placed all the rest of the team in the cargo hold as a threat to Coulson - all she has to do it open it and he'll lose them all.
Speaking of the team in the cargo hold...
Agent May is still passed out, but not for long. She wakes up when Ward explains to the others that she's the cavalry. She's still pissed about him calling her that. Should 'the cavalry' be Cavalry with a capital cos it's a title? I dunno. Maybe. Anyway, the team starts to think of a plan for escaping. Ward mentions Skye's idea from earlier, which makes her pleased - they all only need to come up with a part of the solution.
Upstairs, more exposition! Camilla knew about the weapon all along. Her country commissioned it a long time ago from scientists who were friends with the Nazis... or something. That's why it looked sort of German. Unfortunately the weapon was lost, but now it is found and she will use it to crush those pesky rebels under the heel of her stylish combat boot. Coulson points out that aliens invade the planet sometimes and all the countries should probably work together. Camilla is quick to pooh-pooh that idea.
Speaking of ideas that nobody agrees with, Skye's had one. We don't know what it is but I bet we're about the find out. Unfortunately the flaw in their plan is that they're tied to the cargo door. But wait! May dislocates her wrist with a stunning crack to get free. HAHA! She can do what I can do! She's like me! (Yeah, I can dislocate my wrist at will. I can dislocate almost any joint in my body at will, really. It's not particularly painful, and it makes me weirdly flexible.) Although you don't really twist your shoulders to pop your wrists out... it's more of an elbow thing... anyway. Everyone sort of cringes but I think it's totally awesome (and I have trouble remembering that dislocations hurt other people) and she's free! May takes out the guard and puts her wrist back in (she does that right) and asks what's next. Heh. Heh.
Camilla thinks Coulson is having a mid-life crisis. That's weird. He's pleased that she gave his team a common enemy. Downstairs, the team is ready. They're gathered in a circle, talking about how ready they are. May drives the obnoxious SUV through the lab doors because she's not a very talktative person. She's a woman of action. A bunch of activity ensues. Fitz flies Sneezy the robot (new robot!) into an air shaft. Skye and Ward find ropes and caribinas and everyone gets roped together. Okay then. Upstairs, SHIELD is radioing but no one is answering. Coulson sees Sneezy out of the corner of his eye, and even though he'd managed to free his hands from the ropes he quickly wraps himself up in the rope again and hangs on to the pole. Hm. Coulson says the line we heard at the beginning of the episode. Sneezy the robot activates the 0-8-4 and it blows a giant whopping great hole in the side of the plane (which needs a name). One of the soldiers gets sucked out but so does Sneezy. I cried.
Goodbye, brave tiny robot. Your sacrifice will be remembered. Or you'll be replaced next episode. I mean, who really knows, right?
Anyway, blowing the hole in the side of the plane (which needs a name) dropped the cabin pressure and opened the doors, so Ward and the others can get in. Coulson is hanging onto the rope he was tied to. He's nearly flying out of the plane. Some soldiers try to shoot them, but Ward goes into full action mode and takes them out. Fitzsimmons and Skye are all roped together, so they move through the intensely windy cabin to find the 0-8-4. Camilla is nearly blown out of the hole in the plane (which needs a name) but Coulson grabs her just in time. Because he's a nice guy. Simmons has grabbed the 0-8-4 so she tells Fitz to help pull her and Skye back. The safety sheet about the plane blows into Skye's face. She grabs it, looks at it, and has an idea. With sheer awesomeness (no seriously) she unclips her caribina and crawls away. Simmons asks what she's doing, but Skye just says to trust her. Uh, okay.
May has made it into the cockpit, beats up a soldier and starts steering the plane again. And her hair is still perfect. Coulson ties Camilla up to a pole. Skye grabs the blow-up raft from a locker in the wall. A soldier has found her dangling rope, and is using it to pull himself towards Fitzsimmons. They cut him loose, he bumps into Ward (who is fighting another soldier) and the other soldier, after clutching onto Ward, is blown out of the plane. Just as Ward loses his grip and flies towards the hole in the plane, Skye blows up the raft which is sucked towards the hole and blocks it. Win. Things calm down quickly after that. The team regroups. Coulson is impressed, but wishes they hadn't blown a hole in his plane (which needs a name).
As things wind down, there's awesome music. Seriously. I like it. Teamy things are teamy. Skye wants to know what happened between Coulson and Camilla (it's classified, or so he says, with a completely straight face), Ward kind of likes her now and thinks she should be an agent and May thinks he should be her Supervising Officer, and Fitzsimmons are drunk. Well. Only a little bit. The 0-8-4 is being blasted up into the sun in a rocket to be destroyed (cool) so everyone sits down to watch. It's notable that Simmons is drinking beer straight from the bottle. SHE'S NOT REALLY ENGLISH. Gasp. Suddenly, Skye gets a sinister text message. Or something.
DUN DUN DUN.
I totally didn't see that one coming, mostly because I got the impression that Skye was Rising Tide all on her own. Heh. Whoops. She replies "I'm in" and I hope this all plays out okay because I like Skye. A lot. Anyway, a completely random and kind of irritating end scene appears in which Nick Fury rants at Coulson for blowing up the plane. It's long, boring, and a bit silly. I assume it's there for the die-hard fans. Personally, I don't like Nick Fury at all. He's silly. Okay, so, that's the end of that! Aaaand I absolutely can't wait for next week. Ciao.